loop

"Broken dreams
of broken songs
and
silly songs of
broken dreams
of broken songs..."

The "loop" button is depressed. He mixes in a few vinyl scratch recordings and loops it again. Flipping on his headset, he hits the record button.

As I was walking through the dust
I was seeing through this mist
and though there are many things I wish I'd done
there are things I'll never hate
there are things stuck in this world simply because of fate
and all these jewels sparkle in the river of my time
like the shards of broken glass that once contained my Thai
that liquid land of dreams
that solid flow of songs
I dance upon the ribbon stretching into past and present
and I wait for one to see me to stop my corybantics
there are things I leave to fate
and there are things I'd love to hate
but wherever do my eyes alight
I see only the light
shining through the clouds of sepia sand and airless death
one beam of light
setting safely on a rose growing amidst desert sands
And it's never far from blackness
but it's never lacking crimson
and my hand has yet to reach it
but my sight will never leave it

Walk

International Water Day!

Agua
Sui
Aqua
Hydro
L'eau
Wasser
Acqua

Silence

Landing quietly is such a chore.
Especially when your parents don't want you to get injured learning how to breakdance.

Psh, injuries. Those don't happen to me.

A bright light

Y'know, sometimes I wonder what I'm going to do with my life. Then the sun comes out and then, well, I couldn't care less what my future is.

OH yeah, I'm angry

Well, revenge is a dish best served cold anyway.

Later...

I've pretty much left it behind me, but I'll tell you what happened and what I planned to do for revenge.

Actually, no, I won't tell you what I planned unless you ask me.

But anyway, our car got towed. The guy in charge of releasing the cars was an ass, but there was nothing we could do because he had our car. And also, there was bulletproof windows between him and me, as well as metal grates. And the walls were metal. And there were surveillance cameras, so no damaging other cars to get the towing company in trouble.

And witnesses. Too many witnesses in the daylight.

So we had to pay $150 to get our car out, all because we left the parking lot of some stupid Vietnamese/Korean mall strip in Argyle. We thought our car had gotten stolen at first.

Mirth

"Why didn't she find a Chinese boy?"

What DnD character are you?

My life has been consolidated into one quiz result.

How eerily accurate.

So many things to do...

The truth about business - resolved
Introspective integrations - resolved

---

My hated hero - pending
The green gift - pending
Lollipop venue - pending

I'm tired

So today was a club meeting for FiSH (Film in Stevenson High) and we forgot our cell phones. So Alyson and I were stranded at school at about 4:15. I called home and no one picked up. I was really hungry, so I walked/ran home, planning to grab the car and pick Alyson up. That took me 45 minutes. That's just embarrassing. That's a thirty minute mile. And I was tired as hell when I got home. And hungry. Still hungry. Tired, hungry, and asthmatic.

I got home and my dad was in the house. I had forgotten that he now gets Mondays off. Turns out he'd been in the garage fixing the car's turn signal for most of the day, which is why he didn't pick up the phone.

Blargh. Went to Wendy's, ate a Spicy Chicken Sandwich and a Mandarin Chicken Salad, came back home and conked out.

I think I'm gonna do it again.

[edit] Oh God...I just snapped a rubberband around my neck...ow, ow, ow... [/edit]

a Dream?

I was on the edge of dreaming...clinging, somewhere, on a spider-silk thin strand above the murky boiling depths, the yellow halogen light shining above me and illuminating the silk.

I felt the rumble in my dreamflesh long before I heard it. A train was coming.

Suddenly, it was the scream of my sister and my head snapped forward, every bone from my occiput to my eye sockets fracturing and shifting like broken glass, then melding back together in a molten haze of pain. Sighttastefeel of a thick metal beam floating somewhere in the proximity of my head, just drifting off as if it had taken my surprise with it in the impact and a last shimmering view of a flourescently green-tinted subway concrete, littered with pebbly debris. The light tasted like my surprise as my face hit the floor.

The dream ran from me with the speed of a guilty murderer. My bewilderment did not fade as I went conscious.

I awoke on my knees, head rolled on a pillow just below my shoulders, curled physically from the blow I had recieved. Intense dizziness assaulted me, my head throbbing off-beat to my heart. I groaned and rolled onto my back, looking for the offending object I had no doubt bumped into during my dreams.

I was in the middle of my futon mattress, away from all the sharp wooden edges and smooth metal poles.

---

It was altogether too fitting, like something that had waited in my subconscious for all that time.

Just as the ancients had conquered their dreams, so too, I felt, could I. The trauma, the weakness I felt after the dream gave me the will and the way to defend my mind. I would build walls and rein in the ever wakening mind inside me.

So I pledged, before retiring for the night. How surprised was I to find my other me had his own ideas.

When I closed my eyes, a wolf opened its own. I watched as it trotted out of its den. I more than watched. I felt the loam under my paws.

Dreamwolf. How long have you been there?

But wait. How long have I been here?

Wolfdream.

Those eyes open every time I close mine.

Religion

is not something I want to talk about right now.

*memo to self...do it later*

I defend...

"The paragraph below comes from a 1979 essay by expatriate African American writer James Baldwin. Read the paragraph carefully and then write an essay that defends, challenges, or qualified Baldwin's ideas about the importance of language as the "key to identity" and to social acceptance. Use specific evidence from your observation, experience, or reading to develop your position."

...myself.

I hurt

Draklyne: god
Draklyne: what if I die
Draklyne: cheesecake is coming out of my skin
CrimsonQueso: ew
Draklyne: yar
Draklyne: does that mean I'm going to die?
CrimsonQueso: probably

Phone Conversations

"Yeah, no. That'd be weird."
"You see, don't you?"
"Yeah..." I responded, slowly.

The conversation ended and I despaired over the answer I had given. I could fully see both their sides. I could empathize and sympathize. But I could not reconcile the two vastly differing realities.

I think Abe Lincoln could have. The man was a damned genius.

Logically, it would have been impossible. I mean, what would they have done? Been in love. But what else would they do? They had very little in common. And, while "opposites attract" is a fairly consistent statement with magnets, it doesn't apply equally to all things. Being in love in and of itself was not enough. I stared at a bleak reality. Love was not the unifying force it was cut out to be.

And yet...it was not the answer I knew in my heart. I knew that love was shared by people as vastly different as the sun and the sea. And giving up was not the answer. Giving up on everything never gave anything a chance. So, it could have worked. But then, it could work between everyone, right? If only we gave love a chance.

Chances are risky. To risk something is not logical. Love is not logical. It is not the continuation of peoples' solitary personalities, it is the collision, melding, and acceptance of personalities. It is not something you need a launch pad to get to; it is a launch pad. It is something undefinable to logic that is the starting place for something else. And while something might start and then end, the fault does not lay on either person.

If there was to be fault anywhere, blame could be laid on anything and everything. So let me live my blamed life full of risk. And if I choose not to gamble, I could find my chips slowly being drained away.

Dinner Table Conversations

"Yeah, it basically boils down to 'he did something stupid.'"
"Then he needs to apologize for his stupidity," mother opined.
"It's more complicated than that," I protested.
"No, you guys just make it complicated," my dad put forward, still mainly concentrating on his food.
"I guess..."

---------------------------

So I don't know why people as great as ourselves are involved in this at all. Or why apologies have not been made. The problem is as simple and stupid as that, and the answer is just as simple.

I meant to post this earlier, but got caught up in the complications.
Like, waaay earlier.

One down, two to go

All in all, it took two and a half hours. Two and a half godforsaken hours.

-Went to DMV from Tong's Hunan.
-Found out at DMV that we didn't have the car's insurance card.
-Went back home and dropped off Alyson.
-Couldn't find insurance card. Took the entire insurance statement instead.
-Went back to DMV.
-Stupid (insert derogatory word) refused to take the insurance statement as proof of insurance because it didn't specify explicitly what day coverage ended.
-Called the insurance agent and had her fax over the pertinent information.
-Went to back to stupid woman.
-We forgot my social security card.
-Went back home.
-Picked up SSID and birth certificate just in case they didn't like the color of my passport or something retarded like that.
-Went back to DMV.
-FINALLY got registered to take the driving test.
-Failed to fail the driving test.
-Got my picture taken.
-Later, the stupid printer puts a crack through my face on the license.
-On the second try it prints me in funny colors
-Several minutes later, it finally puts out a fairly normal one. It has a crack, but not near my face.
-Dad makes me drive home. I R teh tired.
-I should be helping change the oil right now. But I don't think I will.
-Yawn.
-Need to get M class license and pilot's license.

But for now...
...nap time.

sorry

I haven't had something worthwhile here for...several posts.

On hiatus...

Por favor?

Please don't lie to me. I understand if there are things you don't necessarily want me to be a part of. I also understand that there are things you don't necessarily want me to know. Just don't lie.

It's insulting.

Gratias mei amici.

Summary of My Day on ma' Xanga...

There is nothing in my mind.
I am blessed.
There is nothing in my heart.
I am cursed.

Blessed and cursed.

But I got cheesecake in my stomach. So it's cool.

Aftermath...burnout...

Whoa...both my eye flaps are there. That only happens when I'm sick.