Brian duped?! No!!

Okay, so here it is in the open -

FreeiPods.com

How dastardly! Devious! Devilish! They've convinced your poor, easily tricked, stupid, short-sighted friend that he might have a slim chance at nabbing a free ipod if he just gets five friends, associates, or random strangers to complete a trial offer from one of FreeiPods.com's affiliates! Demonstrably demonic and all those other words starting with "D"!

Well, I've got news for you. Your friend may be poor and stupid, but I am definitely not short sighted. Actually, I'm far sighted. And as for easily tricked, I'm quite a cunning fellow on the internet, if I do say so myself. I'm a netizen with a nose for scams. So what did I do?

I found out that basically what happens is you sign up, you complete one trial offer from FreeiPods.com's affiliates, and you get five people to do the same. Then they send you your iPod.

I also did my homework on what I initially assumed to be a scam/spam site. Don't get me wrong, I still think there's a possibility that it could be a hoax. But here are the results of my Googling:

Gratis Networks picks up a decent referral fee for every [trial] that’s completed, and since it’s a lot harder than it sounds to also get five of your friends to sign up for AOL (for example), they only have to ship out free iPods to a relatively small percentage of people, while simply pocketing the cash for anyone who is able to only get four people or fewer to sign up (the company rep admitted that they lose money whenever someone gets five people to complete orders, since it means they have to ship out an iPod). Anyway, if you’ve got five friends you can convince to do this who also think they each have five friends they can convince to do this, you might just find yourself just maybe getting a free iPod.
-Engadget Online Magazine

"For the skeptics in the group, I've already done my homework on the company behind this. I pulled Gratis Internet's Dun and Bradstreet report (their financial ranking report and history which is pretty expensive to get) because it's what my company does, and they've been in business for 4 years. They're in the business of "innovative internet advertising" and this is their latest. They've established about $55,000 of credit with various companies (Dell, etc.) over the course of the last 4 years which has been (this is the important part) being repayed in full, on-time to a maximum 8 days late (VERY good ranking for businesses as the industry standard for advertising companies is 9 days). They have no open or closed suits, liens, or judgements against them, meaning nobody's ever had a reason to sue them or bring them to court over late/missing payments. All-in-all they're ranked positively, and the D&B report is one of the most positive you can get on a company. So they're legit, and this is a bonafide marketing tool."
-MIT Electronic Gaming Group Forums, 1st post
(Ironically it's a post detailing how to scam FreeiPods.com out of their iPods)

Some pictures of the iPod some guy recieved. Scroll down a bit to see em. Lots of enthusiastic referrers.
-From the A500 Hacking Forums
(Hey calm down...they're hardware hackers. It's a forum for people who enjoy taking apart their Samsung A500 monitor. What nerds. I'm gonna make a comic in PS about them. Nyah nyah.)

-Ben's Bargain Forums

Here's some guy who's doing the exact same thing I am - trying it out and updating as to whether it works or not. Time will tell. I plan to come back here to see if he's gotten his.
-Forever Geek blog

UPDATE - Z gave me a new link: FreeiPodGuide.com - UPDATE

I encourage you to investigate and play devil's advocate - because I'm still not sure they're for real either. After all, we have no first-hand evidence that this site provides what they say they do. But I am willing to become that evidence. First, though, I need five brave compadres to help me. And by brave, I mean you'll have to complete an offer from FreeiPods.com, you should probably take countermeasures against possible spam, and you will have to choose your trial offer wisely, because I'm not familiar or comfortable with all of them. However, there's one large catch. It's a bombshell, and it looks mighty big and explosive.

A credit card.

If you decide to help me investigate this, you might have to get your parents' consent to use their credit card number. But there are upsides. One, I know which affiliate program can be trusted. Two, there may be a way around the credit card deal, at least with the AOL free trial.

I'll list the affiliates at the bottom, and which ones I would choose for security and cost efficiency. I only accept not paying for anything because I'm a cheap bastard, but some of the trial offers may have something you want. I doubt it.

If you can do this thing, follow the link above or below which is required to let them know I referred you. Then once five people have signed up...

We wait. And we watch. And we get our REJECTED stamps at the ready in case this site is the scam it looks to be.

And if it's not a scam? I get an iPod. And then you have first hand evidence that it works, and can begin your own campaigns.

Affiliate Trial Offers

Here's the lowdown on the trial offers, in a somewhat ridiculing and skeptical fashion -

---

Columbia House DVD - Complete this offer by buying 5 DVD's for 49 cents each. Sounds reasonable. Except that it costs money and requires a shipping address. This is a security risk - one, they get to take money out of your credit card, which is unacceptable, and they also get your address, which means they get to send you junk mail. I'm also not familiar with the retail site in question. Their rating? (from ResellerRatings.com) An abysmal 3.75/10. REJECTED! Try again when I'm not sober.

---

AOL for Broadband - Complete this offer by signing up for a free AOL trial account. Cost? Nothing for the first 45 days, by which time you can cancel. But you'll still need a credit card...unless these instructions work-

"You can actually use AOL 9.0 with MusicNet without using a creditcard! Just click cancel, and when it offers you 2 months free, click continue, then click cancel again, and when it offers to use your phone bill, click cancel. Then it will take you to the final page! =)"

I actually went through with this option and made an account (TaigerFang - IM me! I love that SN...). When FreeiPods.com said that it was confirmed that I had completed an offer, I cancelled the account, and now all I have left is to refer five other people. This is an ACCEPTABLE method of completing your offer. AOL is a big company and they're professional when it comes to handling your information securely - if they're not, the however-many-millions of people who are signed up get pissed and no one buys AOL. And AOL becomes not happy. Not that anyone wants to be seen using AOL email accounts these days...

---

GM Card - Complete this offer by signing up for a GM credit card. What?! A General Motors credit card?! First of all, I'm a minor! Big security/financial risk here. Secondly, GM?! For a credit card?! That's just abnormal. REJECTED!

---

Video Professor - Complete this offer by getting "a FREE computer learning cd-rom from the VIDEO PROFESSOR!" Cost efficiency? You have to pay shipping. Those cheap bastards. Security? Well, again with the possible junk mail at your address. Familiarity? Oh, I know this company. It's the company for the dumbasses who think the CD Drive is a handy lil' cup holder. There is no way I'm going to advocate demeaning yourself this way by accepting a instructional cd from a company who abuses caps-lock. REJECTED. How ironically capitalized.

---

White Smile - Hey, what's so good about being white? Ahem...anyhow. Cost efficiency? Extremely suspicious. Take a look for yourself:

Get a Million Dollar Smile for Free* with Gleaming White Smile. Gleaming White Smile can be yours Free* with our fantastic trial offer.

What? What the hell? What's with the asterisks next to the word "free?" And what's with the overcapitalization? Only half of those words aren't proper nouns. Sounds very fishy. And the advertisement sounds like way too many spams I've gotten - "Safe, Fast and Effective Teeth Whitening!" except replace "Teeth Whitening" with "Enlargement." If you don't know what I'm talking about, you don't want to. Security is also junkmail, since they can't automagically whiten your teeth from the intarweb. Familiarity/need for this stupid product is way down. Conclusion? REJECTED.

---

BMG Music Service - Complete this offer by getting 12 music CDs for the price of one. Unfortunately they don't tell you what choices you have, or their price for one CD. Again you have the junkmail problem, and I've never heard of them. So I turn to my usual resource, ResellerRatings, to see how good these chaps are at running a business, and ResellerRatings tells me, "They suck beyond all human reasoning." Their rating for this six month period? 1.67/10. Let's see what the customers have to say:

"Review: Very Dissatisfied
I find their customer DIS-service to be completely disgraceful, and I will be returning the entire shipment and cancelling my account."

Ouch. Unfortunately, BMG Music Services, you have been REJECTED.

---

PetCare RX - Complete this offer by purchasing a minimum of $20.00 in petcare products. Cost efficiency really blows here. I have a rat. I could feed it until it died of old age on table scraps and bird seed. The rest of you really don't seem like pet people, except Yaz, whose pet doesn't really need $20 worth of extra bling bling from a random website. Security? Well, you give them your address in order to recieve your $20's worth of crap. But nothing overly suspicious. Familiarity? I'm not, so let's turn to ResellerRatings...which doesn't have an entry for them because they're petcare and not electronics. Oops. My bad. Let's just say I'm not familiar with them and they're not the first store I turn to when I want pet supplies. I'm sorry PetCare RX, but I'm already with Petsmart. REJECTED.

---

eBay - Complete this offer by registering/logging into eBay and bidding on any auction. Notice it says bid, not win. So this doesn't have to cost you anything. Now here's where I get kind of paranoid, because eBay is a sensitive topic for me. I'm not sure why, but my security alarm sensitivity goes WAY UP when I'm dealing with eBay...probably due to all the scams and shady sellers on eBay. There's nothing they could really do with your eBay login information because they would still need your credit card number and other details to cheat you out of your money. Or at least so I think...I avoided this just in case, even though I was about to buy something on eBay anyway. But eBay's a big, recognizable company, and would have the same issues that AOL would have if they sold everyones' information - everyone would stop using eBay. The breakdown? Cost efficiency? You can bid 1 cent on an iPod whose auction is going to expire in two weeks. I guarantee you you'd lose that auction, but you'd still complete the offer. Security? Holy rusted metal, Batman, the alarm is off the charts! Something's probably wrong with it. Familiarity? I've used eBay a lot, and you though you have to watch out for devious sellers, I'm quite comfortable with the service. As far as I've heard, they'll only give up all your account information to the Feds if you sell stuff on eBay. And only if the Feds ask politely. So I assume that this is an ACCEPTABLE method of completing an offer. Just watch out for them gov'ment types.

---

And that's all there is to the affiliates.

You can expect updates AS MY INVESTIGATION UNFOLDS...
http://www.freeipods.com/default.aspx?referer=7381124

MCB and More

Holy crap, now I know what Pichu and Phil were doing when I arrived at Mongolian China Buffet at Five Fourty Freaking Five o Clock. They arrived at 6:30 and Yao, me, and Yao's friend Curtis had alreay started on some appetizers. They were an hour late. I'd be super pissed and unleash some asian-style hyper-violence on them right now if I hadn't already "helped" Poptart with his car by ripping some weird metal piece out of it. Heh. That was fun, satisfying, and I even got thanked for doing it. More on that later.

So essentially what happened was we ended up eating at Mongolian China Buffet, which had some decent food. The waitress definitely hated us. We said we were waiting for some friends (at this point it was only me, Yao, and Curtis) and they seated us as far as they could from the window. Also, it was an outlying room from the main hall. When I came in earlier and asked if anyone would be sitting in the outlying rooms, they said no, nobody sits there. I guess they meant only rejects and people they didn't want their customers to see.

Yao's favorite stir-fryer guy wasn't there, but it was still good. I ate a lot. More than Yao even. But maybe that's because...

Hold your breath folks. This is truly incredible...

Maybe it was because-

Oh, caught you there. You thought I was going to say something important.

Yao got full.

Yes, you read that right. He became full. I have never experienced such a phenomenon.

I realized we were leaving and then crammed my mouth with the food I had left. Something in that pile of unknowns was spicy. Very spicy. Like melt your mouth spicy. We left after shenanigans with the bill (everyone brought a $20 bill and it came up to $53.40) and walked out. We got some free cake from some store. Actually, I believe Yao may have paid for it. Hmm...regardless, I ate it. Even though I loathe cake and I was maddddly stuffed full of food. On second thought that was probably a bad idea. We also saw Vinu at the store.

Anyway, we all sat in front of BG theaters for NO REASON, or at least NO GOOD REASON. Then Perry and I ran on the ring around the fountain. Also for NO GOOD REASON. Neither of us fell in though, which made the entire endeavor useless.

Oh, I also realized that I don't want to hurt Perry anymore. Celebrate, rat, celebrate. You live until the next time you anger me.

Then we had fun chain calling Dan and telling him the exact same thing over and over. He finally showed up so that we could start sitting in front of BG Theaters uselessly again. That was exciting.

Skarulis showed up and spat on me. That pissed me off. A LOT. He's going to bruise magnificently where I hit him. Then he talked about drugs. And my resolve to assassinate him grew.

He eventually left after talking about making oneself pass out by putting a balloon or condom over your head. Wow. My resolve to assassinate him grew.

If he hadn't left he might have ended up dead or unconscious in the Burger King dumpster. We sat there uselessly, me thinking that more people were going to show up and fillin telling me that no, nobody else was going to show and we were just going to sit in front of BG Theaters till hell froze over. I stole pichu's bag and ran off with it. Then I relearned my mad Crouching Tiger skills. Four steps running against the wall. I also relearned backflips off the wall. I haven't done those since sixth grade. I started to be afraid of death or injury in the case of failure. I blame my entirely irrational phobia on my gym teacher at the time.

*switch to flash-back scene*

Back in the day, I was the team mascot and every time we got a point in volleyball or whatever we happened to be playing at the time, both teams would form a huge semicircle around me and I would do a backflip off the wall to cheering and applause. It got to the point where the other team was missing one too many shots and opportunities to be blamed just on their skill.

I was singled out for my uber ninja ability and commotion-making by one Mr. Fitzgerald. Yes indeed, the very same coach at Stevenson High School. The semi-circle dispersed about him as he stalked towards me.

"You. C'mere."

I was confused. What had I done? At worst I had disrupted the PE class for a few seconds every round. At the best I had shown a level of physical prowess unattained by anyone else in the school. Such should be rewarded. Instead, I was taken into the hallway and lectured. On safety. Not my classmates' safety. My safety. What if there had been a ball underfoot as I landed? he asked. What if I landed wrong? he asked.

What a foreign idea to me. My entire world changed. Well, it didn't really change, I just got kind of sulky and my classmates booed the teacher. He made me write an apologetic letter to my parents. I still don't know why. I BS'ed a bunch of reasons why it was unsafe and returned to PE. Never to do a wall backflip in that school again.

Well, there was that one time in the talent show...

But that was it. I swear.

Ever since then I have been paranoid that it would attract attention from the authorities who would be angered and envious at my ability. To add to this paranoia came the fear that I might get hurt, due to the fact that I hadn't done it in a while. A few hours ago, the assumption that if I failed to do a backflip I might indeed die would have seemed logical due to the fact that when I do a backflip off a wall I am, for a time, pushing my head towards the rock-solid cement ground. Now? Pwahahaha.

I can't die. I am immortal. I should have found that out earlier. Next, I shall try a double, nay, a quadruple backflip after running fifteen feet along the wall. With a trench coat. And people shooting at me.

Ph34r nothing.

---

Afterwards we all hopped into Curtis's big, roomy van. Or it would have been roomy had it not had a giant, sharp, wooden cabinet in it. That is why my arm is bruised. After various shenanigans trying to keep the drawer closed, we...

Actually, I don't remember what we did. I think we just sat in the van in front of Wendy's. When we left, Curtis began randomly swerving with his giant van. That would have been nerve wracking if he had swerved with more...vivacity. But it was fairly tame. And his van can only go up to 85MPH, so...

We decided to go to Yao's house and there we played basketball...until someone kicked the ball and it became soccer with no out of bounds and no goals. Amazingly we managed to only scrape Curtis's van once, even though it was the size of two whales. Then Yao's little sister asked from the window if we wanted to come in. I forgot what happened next, but suddenly I remember us being in Yao's basement playing mad gnip gnop. There was a bit of DDR, but no one seriously played. I then got brutally beaten with the ping pong ball. Several times. Then I moved onto foosball with Perry, which I tied him at, 3:3. Essentially we stopped playing. He also told me to stop grabbing the rods on my side with no handle. I'm not sure exactly why.

We started four-square with the gnip gnop table. I was king for a round! Unfortunately my dad chose that moment to call. I was to come home soon. I opted 10:30 and dad said fine. I told him Dan was driving me. Then I forced Dan to drive me home.

On the way, a piece of the car loosened and started dragging and scraping along the road. Dan's mom said that there might be sparks. I didn't see any. How unfortunate. Anyway, we pulled onto the shoulder and they called Dan's dad, who said to knock the offending piece of metal off. Mmm, a destructive job. How perfectly me. We all got out of the car and Dan fetched a crowbar type tool and a towel. I'm still not sure what the towel was for.

Dan tried hitting the chunk of metal (which Dan's mom labeled a heat shield, which covers the muffler) and that didn't work. So I decide to take a shot. I hook the bit of metal and pull until it comes off with a dull clank into the dust by the wayside. I drag it out and offer it to Dan's mom, who inserts it in the trunk. Exultation follows. I was thanked. I thanked them for driving me home. Also, various apologies and reassurances were traded, as I live on the opposite side of the world in regards to Perry and Dan.

Hoo yeah. I got kudos for destroying a part of Dan's car. I could be useful in this fashion. Every once in a while, when Dan's car starts making odd noises, I could tear the offending piece out until the noise stops. And we are met with complete silence...

I think I could be a car mechanic. Ripping parts off cars is remarkably easy.

I should start majoring in that...in whatever you major in to become a destructive force of repair. If that makes any sense at all.

Hey yeah. That's better than being a doctor like I originally planned. Cars don't scream in pain, they just become more and more immobile. But at least they're quiet that way.

If baby names were picked by AMD...

Here's an amusing quote I found. AMD recently released a budget computer processor. The nomenclature is...questionable.

"So AMD decided it was time to resurrect a distinct value product line, and the AMD Sempron was born.

Yep, that's the name: Sempron. AMD has elected to stick with its "fake subatomic particle" naming scheme rather than veer into Intel's "fake member of the periodic table of elements" naming scheme. Sempron is largely a branding exercise, so the name is important. The Sempron name is intended to evoke phrases like "semper fidelis" and other such tokens of solidity and steadfastness. Roughly translated from a mix of Latin and leet-speak, though, Sempron means "always pornographic," and I fear the little CPU will never fully escape that connotation of its recently fabricated moniker."
-TechReport.Com

Except I can't eat it.

I took some pictures from the roof of the sun setting. They didn't turn out as I wanted, (my roof isn't as high as I wanted) but I like the pretty colors. It's like candy.

Vendettas

The next time I see the following people, I will hurt them. Either a punch in the gut or something tantamount to it. And if they EVER !#$@ WITH ME AGAIN FOR NO REASON I WILL TEAR THEIR INTESTINES OUT AND MAIL PIECES OF THEM TO THEIR RELATIVES.

Pichu
ooMToo

Not Dan though, he had a reason for warning me.

Have a nice day.

Ow my god...I mean Oh my god...I think...<- not sure about that!

Session Start (draklyne:draklyne Chat168): Mon Jul 26 18:35:31 2004
Session Start (Ryndanwolf:draklyne Chat168): Mon Jul 26 18:35:34 2004
Session Start (TaigerFang:draklyne Chat168): Mon Jul 26 18:35:35 2004
draklyne: oh
Draklyne: oh
Draklyne: oh
Ryndanwolf: this
ryndanwolf: this
ryndanwolf: this
TaigerFang: is
TaigerFang: is
TaigerFang: is
draklyne: really
Draklyne: really
Draklyne: really
Ryndanwolf: fucking
ryndanwolf: fucking
ryndanwolf: fucking
TaigerFang: confusing
TaigerFang: confusing
TaigerFang: confusing

This was just to show you how Trillian logged everything...very screwed up. Henceforth it is fixed.

Draklyne: my head
ryndanwolf: yeah it hurts don't it
TaigerFang: you said it
TaigerFang: I think we should go outside and play
Draklyne: I think I like the monitor's radiation better
ryndanwolf: I try not to think
TaigerFang: I know that
ryndanwolf: HOW!?!?!
Draklyne: he's you
TaigerFang: oh yeah
ryndanwolf: wait, I mean oh yeah
Draklyne: ow...
ryndanwolf: jesus
Draklyne: I hope trillian doesn't log everything three times
ryndanwolf: yeha that would suck
TaigerFang: more is better!
Draklyne: not in this case
ryndanwolf: why not?
TaigerFang: hey, that's my question
Draklyne: not really
ryndanwolf: since we're all sort of connected a bit
TaigerFang: yeah, just a bit.
Draklyne: SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP
ryndanwolf: ...you're rude
TaigerFang: and you're not?
Draklyne: I'm leaving.
ryndanwolf: hey, me too
TaigerFang: yeah, the mental state of this conversation is going downhill pretty rapidly
Draklyne: what's with you and long explanations?
TaigerFang: leave now
ryndanwolf: before our brain melts
Draklyne: my brain
Session Close (draklyne Chat168): Mon Jul 26 18:41:12 2004

Session Close (draklyne Chat168): Mon Jul 26 18:41:14 2004

draklyne: yes...my brain
draklyne: I'm all alone now...
draklyne: finally...

a Nickname and a Piano Nanny

I made a nickname. It's Poptart. Shortened, it's 'tart. And if you want to be insulting while having a good excuse, call him 'tard. Say it was an accident

I had a lot of fun being "away". Heh.

I made my $5 back.

'Nother bigass post

Whoa...so what happened this week unit? And by week unit I mean seven days. You know what? Screw time. Time sucks. It's always cutting me off or not signaling to turn. That rat bastard.

I'm actually really not sure what happened. I'm going to go combing through everyones' xangas. I'm such a bastard. And they're such xanga whores.

Back.

Anyway, so in the beginning it was my bright, shining, genius idea to have a water fight, and so we did. And so I took my little sister, who was extremely keen on coming with me for some reason, to school, where it would be easier to be transported to aforementioned water fight. We spent a lot of time in Mural's Econ class. And then we spent a lot of time in the cafeteria messing with cards. I lost 100 sibling points to my sister after I taught her Texas Hold 'em. Wait a minute, I'm still out 100 sibling points...damn. Maybe she's forgotten. Anyway, the security guards didn't like the looks of me because I'm so badass I'm a security guard magnet. Everyone else thought I was hot.

We wasted plenty of time there, and Tofu was there. We doodled whilst in Mural's class, which reminds me that I should scan those and upload them sometime. Quite...uh...crazy, really.

Lots of people asked why I was there. And then I had to explain. Which still, apparently, didn't make any sense to them. Oh yeah, I got to see Ho. That was cool beans because I thought he already left. Forever. HOOOOOOOOOO!

Then I got in a damnably crowded bus with EVERYBODY in it. There was Pichu, Dan, Fillin, Tofu (who didn't go to the fight due to a physical...man, physicals are awkward.), Preeti (who didn't go to the fight due to not being allowed outside...but at least she's got a years worth of cereal with which to feed and amuse herself), and a noticeable lack of Thompson. He was being an ass and insisting on picking up Kathy (who I now know, even though a little bit ago I refused to believe she existed - I thought Dan was making up another group member) and making Dan go on the bus. We might have been able to breathe with one less person. As it was, I needed to shut my brain off to reduce the need for oxygen. That explains why I just stared into the seat ahead of me.

Anyway, once we were off the bus, we began walking to Preeti's house. At some point I told the weather that I was going camping. It was sure to rain. On the way, I saw Weijia's garage door open and was tempted to go in and loot everything. RPG instincts kicking in. I was in front of Weijia though, so he knew what I was up to. Filliin almost made it, but Weij turned around and screamed at him. We ended up at Preeti's, I smelled Halo, fired it up and got killed a whole damn lot. Which reminds me, I need to lend out RvB. Good thing there was Dan to respawn me and sometimes die for me. What a good buddy.

Me: Run! Maybe you can rush them!
Dan: Okay!
*I throw a plasma grenade and it sticks on Dan. He runs up to an Elite and explodes.*
Me: Good job, Dan! Wasn't that fun?
Dan: I dead...
Me: Don't worry, you'll come back. And then we can do it again!

Meanwhile there was a gnip gnop tournament going on, which I steadfastly ignored, and also food, which I not so steadfastly ignored, but I played Halo too long and didn't get any lunch. Lunch which is made from breakfast cereal. And by "made from" I mean "the same as". I'm not sure if there was also milk. Yum yum.

Zip zip zoom zoom, fast forward. We've already left Preeti's house and Zach, me, and my sis wait in ambush for the rest of the party. They do not come. Zach figures they must have gone some other way, so I follow him. Turns out they didn't go the way he thought they did. Zach thinks we "ended up too far south" or some other explaination. Lemme translate. Zach got us lost. Well, to be fair, I don't know if he was lost. But I was lost.

We end up at Yaz's house behind the rest of the group, who walked. We ran half of the way.

Moral: Zach = dithering idiot

FFWD: Zen gets a hold of the hose, oh no! Spends much time shooting me in the eyes/shooting innocent passersby. Water balloons that don't pop on impact HURT LIKE HELL...and that wasn't a fluke. I'm sure every single one was designed like that. We had to pop them by hand over each other. How...how disgustingly manual. I showed off my mad floating powers and then had to have my hands and knees cleansed after my floating power ran out and I landed on the floor. MEANWHILE, Yao is at the library with his dad, where his dad will spend the next three hours, thus stranding Ya0. How sucky.

[begin "artful embellishment"]

A cop stops by dangerously close to Thompson's ubersexy modified hot rod car and tempers flare. A few civilians are injured in the crossfire between Thompson and the cop as they exchange gunshots, the cop with a black twelve-shot USP and Thompson with his narsty Twin Streams water gun. Thompson is finally shot in the head, but he gets up again because there was nothing important up there. Turns out the cop was only after Pichu's shoes, which are small and yellow, much like he is. There is a hint of romance in the air...Thompson and the officer make peace with each other and exchange phone numbers. Yaz is given diplomatic immunity by her camera. Which I hope turns out some good evidence. I mean pictures.

Meanwhile, we are trying to impose order on the chaotic warring factions of Ancient Yaz Backyard land in order to have orderly warring factions, but none of that works out. Whoever said that the teams should be Red vs Blue obviously never saw the multitude of black and white shirts. Pichu had a white shirt on, which would have been disturbing if he hadn't been a small yellow cartoon character on a show for 12-year olds.

[End "artful embellishment"]

Screw that. It was disturbing as hell.

We ran out into the fields and formed teams - one third of us were on my team, a third were on the opposite team, and another third just weren't interested in the fight. We marched toward each other...suddenly, one soldier on my side breaks out into a mad dash for the opposing lines, Power Rangers gun shining dangerously and his eyes gleaming heroically. Yes, that man was me. Dan and Thompson load their deadly Stream guns but miss as I go speeding by them. As I pass, I shoot Dan in the eye. Thompson sweats heavily, knowing that if I had had another weapon, he'd have been a goner. Either that or he was already soaked. Suddenly, Fillin is by my side, and we steal the tub of water and run off with it. Thompson gets a good shot off at Fillin's back and he cries out, faltering and spilling the tub of water. With a final gasp, Fill collapses to the floor, dead. I didn't even notice MW, who was supposedly on the other team. I don't think she even helped carry the tub. Good effort, MW.

-I taunt the weather
-The wind picks up
-They see Bill
-They bother Bill
-I pick up ooMToo's car keys and give them to him
-I pick up Zach's water guns and give them to him
-It begins raining like a crazy madman who drank too much beer
-That was nasty imagery
-At some point Sir and Kathy decide to go up to the porch in front of everyone and do a strip tease. Those attention whores.

We begin loafing around outside Yaz's house, which we steadfastly ignore as a house, which I believe because it was too close. If it was a mile further it would have been an acceptable house to walk to, but as it were it was just too easy. We sit in the rain runoff for a long time whilst I think about how susceptible I am to cold weather. At least the runoff is warm. Two people stop by in their cars to ask if we need help. Kind souls, ha. Yeah right. They just wanted to kidnap us, but I was prepared to eat their intestines in self defense. Then everybody except me and Dan decide to go frolick in the fields of water and roadkill and other unmentionable stuff..."the floor bubbled [underfoot]" -horrified frolicker. I don't really know why that would happen. Anyway, my prerequisites for frolicking is 50% BAC and being stoned out of my mind. Which isn't going to happen. Alternately, you can just leave me alone with some caffeine. Anyway, while they're out I ask Dan where Mecca is because I'm about to die of hypothermia and I might as well do it facing a holy city. He pointed to his right uncertainly. I think he was lying. I kneel down anyway. My life flashes before my eyes...

[Yay, embellishment!]

...if only I hadn't accepted this last job...but the Triad said to, and I must obey the Triad. I was willing to die for the Triad. And so I would...I drew a gun and pressed it to my temple. Above me, Dan laughs cruelly. He doesn't understand the gravity of the situation. With a final sigh, I pull the trigger.

Darkness meets me. I fall to the floor, a black shadow sprawled on a grey, tear-flooded parchment, twitching.

The rest of the group gathers mournfully around me, having returned from their frolicking...

[End embellishment]

Then Kathy says "not to have too much fun" and people laugh. I mean, what the hell? I'm dead and/or hypothermic. You should be mourning and weeping or at least picking my pockets or something. This insult to my honor induces me to get up slowly. I make my way to the porch and sit there in my wet clothes until my sister tells me to wring out my shirt. I go hide behind a tree and do so. The catcalls I hear are merely wistful, as I am practically invisible behind the tree.

Stuff happens, blah blah blah. I change, meet the cat, and then leave.

ZIP ZIP ZZOOOOOM ZZZZOOOOOOOOOOMMM FFWD

*later...*

FRIDAY
-My sister comes home from IA with her boyfriend
-People go out to the Royal Cantonese (which I haven't tried yet...Neal, you better be ready, because we'll show up some day.)
-I go to Chicago and eat good chinese food
-I go watch the Bourne Supremacy
-We sit 20 feet from the screen
-My sister gets sick
-I get dizzy and my eyes ache
-I go home and do stuff (forgot what exactly) and fall asleep

SATURDAY
-My sister + boyfriend + my elder bro go to Chicago for another day of Chinese food (woowoo)
-Stuff happens
-Time passes
-People die
-People are born
-I get my mom to drive me to Showplace 8, where I skip the ticket line and infiltrate my way past the ticket master in order to retrieve my ticket from Pichu. I then sneak back and cut the line, giving the ticket dude my ticket and continuing on...
-...to see the Bourne Supremacy once more! This time alone, because my bastard "friends" don't save me a seat.

Whilst in the movie theater, someone spills soda on my pants. They're nice about it though, so I am too. I think I scared everybody in my row by trying to get comfortable so I could fall asleep. I spent half of the movie with my eyes closed so that
a) I didn't have to watch
b) I wouldn't get sick
c) I could sleep
and finally
d) I could listen to the kick ass soundtrack, interspersed by seemingly random sentences and words

Anyhow, we get out and loiter in front of the theater just talking. You know, hanging out. "Shooting the shit." Although I don't know where that expression came from.

Then we leave and we're like, "Let's go to IHOP" and Phil dings Perry's car with a coin. Pichu and Dan spend like four dollars in change trying and failing to ding Thompson's car. Dan "hit the wheel" "on a bounce." Yeah, right. Anyway, we in Pichu's car are like, "Where in the Hell is IHOP? And Sir, who is by now in IHOP while Pichu drives into a "Service Trucks Only" parking lot, is trying to give us directions.

Sir: Go south on Milwaukee...
Pichu: Wait, where is Milwaukee?
Sir: It's at location latitude: 346.13134 longitude: 724.1253, which is north on the Hogwarts Express...
Dan: Landmarks, damn it! Or I'll unleash the claw shrimps on you!
Me: My IHOP senses are tingling.
Max: There's no IHOP in there!
Sir: We are sitting in the IHOP...
Max: There's NO IHOP in there!
Sir: We're waiting in the IHOP...
Max: ...no IHOP!
Me: But my IHOP senses...
Dan: Penny Arcade takes up thirty percent of my life.
Me: Hey, me too!

Somehow, somehow, we make it to IHOP alive. Hmm, what did I say on Perry's Xanga? Copy paste time!

...my IHOP senses started tingling, so I knew we were close. My dad has Dunkin Donut senses for his coffee addiction. It comes in the genes. And then Dan and I called Steve and Sir and told them that they should get some sleep. They looked tired. I hung up. Dan kept talking. I don't think he understood the concept of a spy's air of mystery.

While we were in IHOP, I stole lots of sugar (pictures of my crime later), two slutty cheerleaders hit on Steven and Max and listened in on our conversations, a waiter told me he loved me, and we didn't let Thompson pay. Dan ate Phil and Phil demanded a happy face pancake. So did Stephen. That wannabe. I don't even know where Pichu was at that time. We talked about stealing the fake plastic carafes. I had an opportunity to get slapped by employing my secret move, but I didn't feel like being physically harmed.

Then we went to Kathy's house...

And I'm all like, why are we going to Kathy's house? And since it's a habit now, I thought, "Who the @#$! is Kathy?" But then I remembered.

...which is soo freaking cool. They have an aquarium. And this aquarium, it totally has fish in it. And I was afeared of her parents because they're asian and I came there with no advance warning and I was intruding and stuff. So I tried to sit quietly. At some point I forgot about this and started jummping and stuff. Oh, back to the house. So there are all these little rooms and they're like hobbit holes. Because they're all on different steppes. It's quite cool. It impressed me to no end.

If I could design a house, it would be like that. But more circular.

We watched Family Guy, which is quite funny if I do say so myself.

Then I got called by mom so I had to leave. On the way out I saw a tree. I had to climb the tree because Perry left to give Max his sundry goods back. When Perry came back I was ten feet in the air. I needed help. Perry wouldn't help me. Perry also wouldn't get anyone to catch me.

I got down later.

When I got home, my elder sis was leaving to go to IHOP. I told her friend to order a happy face pancake and make a fuss if they wouldn't give it to him because he wasn't twelve. I hope they got that same waiter.

And that's how it happened.

Unopened.

It was free.

With a little help...

It was swimming around, thrashing weakly to try to dislodge the ball

...someone walked to their local lake/pond and saw a big catfish who'd overestimated its jaw size and had tried to eat a basketball.

I got this in an email...as far as I can tell, it's not a hoax...

Whoa...picturesque.

love, love love love love. I've found out that this program drops a heart picture from the top if I type "love". Crazy.

I love this place.

This is the kind of place I'd love to come back to.

What is going on in this pic? I know the background guy on the right is me, but...what am I doing?!

Whoa, not only my cousins, but my cousin's cousins. And that's crazy ridiculous.

...pretty much the same.

I'd say my thought processes are...

This graduation was out of High School for my sister and out of Jr. High School for me.

What did I look like in 2002? I forgot...

Aww, it's a thank you letter! You're welcome guys. (I opened it by slicing the top of the envelope open with a cd cover...thanks Yaz!)

On the other hand, if I never figure out how to open this thing, I'll never find out.

Wow, I got a letter...from Toni? Or just Toni's house. It could be a ransom note.

If you're counting them, this pic's tricky. There are some "backups" that he's burned and plenty of empty covers.

Finally! I'm done updating about the North West Odyssey! And onto my usual trivial junk - pics of my uncle's DVDs.

Here we are near the end of the flight, when they told me to turn off electronic devices.

This is near the middle of the flight. I would have taken pictures in the beginning (12:15 AM) but my stupid camera doesn't handle the darkness too well. Too bad, because it was beautiful...between the moonlight mottled clouds, the city pulsed with golden light.

This is Seattle from the Sea as the Sun Sets. Mmm, alliteration. I took this from a ferry.

And here we are at the Sol Duc Hot Springs.

And this was in the Hoh Rain Forest, not Rialto Beach. That is a Banana Slug.

Anemones! And a starfish but I forgot to take pics of it.

More barnacles

Lots of sand (not all like this)

Welcome to Rialto Beach...Lots of dead trees, a three mile hike to a hole in a giant rock with a constant cold drizzle going on (it only rained the day we camped, of course). We saw a lot along the way...

...a barnacle covered log (they moved!)...

Today's Audioupdate!

He's back...

Red 4LT3R: Aiyaiyiyai I'm a little Butterfly

A sneak preview of tomorrow's pics...What the **** is that?!

This is...

Um...

Another lake! With a tree and stuff.

Some big plant leaves...

Oh, by the way...this is the Hoh Rain Forest. As far as I know, it is the only North American Rainforest. And I could go on in detail, but it's really boring. So suffice it to say, the USA has a rainforest. Weird.

My mom wouldn't let me go up this tree trunk. It was highly disappointing.

It's me climbing up a big, mossy tree. The plants that grow without soil are known as epiphytes and grow in the trees. There are lots of them all over all the trees.

This is a mountain range seen from Sunset Point. I think. I don't know how we got here from Port Angeles and I don't care. I was likely asleep while my dad drove.

And there were ducks at that lake.

So, we were stuck on Victoria Island on Canada Day, Canada's Independence day. Which is, incidentally, held on the first of July. We got to see the festivities and jugglers and vendors and all sorts of stuff. But we missed the 3:00 ferry to Port Angeles (USA) and instead had to take the 8:10 ferry.

The Borg have far to go to get to their future technological prowess...

In the meantime, we found Victoria Island's chinatown (does every town in the North West have a Chinatown?!) and ate and explored. We found the mysterious Dragon Alley (featured above) and ambled about.

Opening of the new week!

...I'll likely be posting an audioblog as well...so, loyal readers, you can, for a few seconds, become listeners! And if you doubt my claims of a new week, check the date and time. It's true.

There's something intriguing going on between fillin and MW...as shown here, unaltered!