MCB and More

Holy crap, now I know what Pichu and Phil were doing when I arrived at Mongolian China Buffet at Five Fourty Freaking Five o Clock. They arrived at 6:30 and Yao, me, and Yao's friend Curtis had alreay started on some appetizers. They were an hour late. I'd be super pissed and unleash some asian-style hyper-violence on them right now if I hadn't already "helped" Poptart with his car by ripping some weird metal piece out of it. Heh. That was fun, satisfying, and I even got thanked for doing it. More on that later.

So essentially what happened was we ended up eating at Mongolian China Buffet, which had some decent food. The waitress definitely hated us. We said we were waiting for some friends (at this point it was only me, Yao, and Curtis) and they seated us as far as they could from the window. Also, it was an outlying room from the main hall. When I came in earlier and asked if anyone would be sitting in the outlying rooms, they said no, nobody sits there. I guess they meant only rejects and people they didn't want their customers to see.

Yao's favorite stir-fryer guy wasn't there, but it was still good. I ate a lot. More than Yao even. But maybe that's because...

Hold your breath folks. This is truly incredible...

Maybe it was because-

Oh, caught you there. You thought I was going to say something important.

Yao got full.

Yes, you read that right. He became full. I have never experienced such a phenomenon.

I realized we were leaving and then crammed my mouth with the food I had left. Something in that pile of unknowns was spicy. Very spicy. Like melt your mouth spicy. We left after shenanigans with the bill (everyone brought a $20 bill and it came up to $53.40) and walked out. We got some free cake from some store. Actually, I believe Yao may have paid for it. Hmm...regardless, I ate it. Even though I loathe cake and I was maddddly stuffed full of food. On second thought that was probably a bad idea. We also saw Vinu at the store.

Anyway, we all sat in front of BG theaters for NO REASON, or at least NO GOOD REASON. Then Perry and I ran on the ring around the fountain. Also for NO GOOD REASON. Neither of us fell in though, which made the entire endeavor useless.

Oh, I also realized that I don't want to hurt Perry anymore. Celebrate, rat, celebrate. You live until the next time you anger me.

Then we had fun chain calling Dan and telling him the exact same thing over and over. He finally showed up so that we could start sitting in front of BG Theaters uselessly again. That was exciting.

Skarulis showed up and spat on me. That pissed me off. A LOT. He's going to bruise magnificently where I hit him. Then he talked about drugs. And my resolve to assassinate him grew.

He eventually left after talking about making oneself pass out by putting a balloon or condom over your head. Wow. My resolve to assassinate him grew.

If he hadn't left he might have ended up dead or unconscious in the Burger King dumpster. We sat there uselessly, me thinking that more people were going to show up and fillin telling me that no, nobody else was going to show and we were just going to sit in front of BG Theaters till hell froze over. I stole pichu's bag and ran off with it. Then I relearned my mad Crouching Tiger skills. Four steps running against the wall. I also relearned backflips off the wall. I haven't done those since sixth grade. I started to be afraid of death or injury in the case of failure. I blame my entirely irrational phobia on my gym teacher at the time.

*switch to flash-back scene*

Back in the day, I was the team mascot and every time we got a point in volleyball or whatever we happened to be playing at the time, both teams would form a huge semicircle around me and I would do a backflip off the wall to cheering and applause. It got to the point where the other team was missing one too many shots and opportunities to be blamed just on their skill.

I was singled out for my uber ninja ability and commotion-making by one Mr. Fitzgerald. Yes indeed, the very same coach at Stevenson High School. The semi-circle dispersed about him as he stalked towards me.

"You. C'mere."

I was confused. What had I done? At worst I had disrupted the PE class for a few seconds every round. At the best I had shown a level of physical prowess unattained by anyone else in the school. Such should be rewarded. Instead, I was taken into the hallway and lectured. On safety. Not my classmates' safety. My safety. What if there had been a ball underfoot as I landed? he asked. What if I landed wrong? he asked.

What a foreign idea to me. My entire world changed. Well, it didn't really change, I just got kind of sulky and my classmates booed the teacher. He made me write an apologetic letter to my parents. I still don't know why. I BS'ed a bunch of reasons why it was unsafe and returned to PE. Never to do a wall backflip in that school again.

Well, there was that one time in the talent show...

But that was it. I swear.

Ever since then I have been paranoid that it would attract attention from the authorities who would be angered and envious at my ability. To add to this paranoia came the fear that I might get hurt, due to the fact that I hadn't done it in a while. A few hours ago, the assumption that if I failed to do a backflip I might indeed die would have seemed logical due to the fact that when I do a backflip off a wall I am, for a time, pushing my head towards the rock-solid cement ground. Now? Pwahahaha.

I can't die. I am immortal. I should have found that out earlier. Next, I shall try a double, nay, a quadruple backflip after running fifteen feet along the wall. With a trench coat. And people shooting at me.

Ph34r nothing.

---

Afterwards we all hopped into Curtis's big, roomy van. Or it would have been roomy had it not had a giant, sharp, wooden cabinet in it. That is why my arm is bruised. After various shenanigans trying to keep the drawer closed, we...

Actually, I don't remember what we did. I think we just sat in the van in front of Wendy's. When we left, Curtis began randomly swerving with his giant van. That would have been nerve wracking if he had swerved with more...vivacity. But it was fairly tame. And his van can only go up to 85MPH, so...

We decided to go to Yao's house and there we played basketball...until someone kicked the ball and it became soccer with no out of bounds and no goals. Amazingly we managed to only scrape Curtis's van once, even though it was the size of two whales. Then Yao's little sister asked from the window if we wanted to come in. I forgot what happened next, but suddenly I remember us being in Yao's basement playing mad gnip gnop. There was a bit of DDR, but no one seriously played. I then got brutally beaten with the ping pong ball. Several times. Then I moved onto foosball with Perry, which I tied him at, 3:3. Essentially we stopped playing. He also told me to stop grabbing the rods on my side with no handle. I'm not sure exactly why.

We started four-square with the gnip gnop table. I was king for a round! Unfortunately my dad chose that moment to call. I was to come home soon. I opted 10:30 and dad said fine. I told him Dan was driving me. Then I forced Dan to drive me home.

On the way, a piece of the car loosened and started dragging and scraping along the road. Dan's mom said that there might be sparks. I didn't see any. How unfortunate. Anyway, we pulled onto the shoulder and they called Dan's dad, who said to knock the offending piece of metal off. Mmm, a destructive job. How perfectly me. We all got out of the car and Dan fetched a crowbar type tool and a towel. I'm still not sure what the towel was for.

Dan tried hitting the chunk of metal (which Dan's mom labeled a heat shield, which covers the muffler) and that didn't work. So I decide to take a shot. I hook the bit of metal and pull until it comes off with a dull clank into the dust by the wayside. I drag it out and offer it to Dan's mom, who inserts it in the trunk. Exultation follows. I was thanked. I thanked them for driving me home. Also, various apologies and reassurances were traded, as I live on the opposite side of the world in regards to Perry and Dan.

Hoo yeah. I got kudos for destroying a part of Dan's car. I could be useful in this fashion. Every once in a while, when Dan's car starts making odd noises, I could tear the offending piece out until the noise stops. And we are met with complete silence...

I think I could be a car mechanic. Ripping parts off cars is remarkably easy.

I should start majoring in that...in whatever you major in to become a destructive force of repair. If that makes any sense at all.

Hey yeah. That's better than being a doctor like I originally planned. Cars don't scream in pain, they just become more and more immobile. But at least they're quiet that way.