'Nother bigass post

Whoa...so what happened this week unit? And by week unit I mean seven days. You know what? Screw time. Time sucks. It's always cutting me off or not signaling to turn. That rat bastard.

I'm actually really not sure what happened. I'm going to go combing through everyones' xangas. I'm such a bastard. And they're such xanga whores.

Back.

Anyway, so in the beginning it was my bright, shining, genius idea to have a water fight, and so we did. And so I took my little sister, who was extremely keen on coming with me for some reason, to school, where it would be easier to be transported to aforementioned water fight. We spent a lot of time in Mural's Econ class. And then we spent a lot of time in the cafeteria messing with cards. I lost 100 sibling points to my sister after I taught her Texas Hold 'em. Wait a minute, I'm still out 100 sibling points...damn. Maybe she's forgotten. Anyway, the security guards didn't like the looks of me because I'm so badass I'm a security guard magnet. Everyone else thought I was hot.

We wasted plenty of time there, and Tofu was there. We doodled whilst in Mural's class, which reminds me that I should scan those and upload them sometime. Quite...uh...crazy, really.

Lots of people asked why I was there. And then I had to explain. Which still, apparently, didn't make any sense to them. Oh yeah, I got to see Ho. That was cool beans because I thought he already left. Forever. HOOOOOOOOOO!

Then I got in a damnably crowded bus with EVERYBODY in it. There was Pichu, Dan, Fillin, Tofu (who didn't go to the fight due to a physical...man, physicals are awkward.), Preeti (who didn't go to the fight due to not being allowed outside...but at least she's got a years worth of cereal with which to feed and amuse herself), and a noticeable lack of Thompson. He was being an ass and insisting on picking up Kathy (who I now know, even though a little bit ago I refused to believe she existed - I thought Dan was making up another group member) and making Dan go on the bus. We might have been able to breathe with one less person. As it was, I needed to shut my brain off to reduce the need for oxygen. That explains why I just stared into the seat ahead of me.

Anyway, once we were off the bus, we began walking to Preeti's house. At some point I told the weather that I was going camping. It was sure to rain. On the way, I saw Weijia's garage door open and was tempted to go in and loot everything. RPG instincts kicking in. I was in front of Weijia though, so he knew what I was up to. Filliin almost made it, but Weij turned around and screamed at him. We ended up at Preeti's, I smelled Halo, fired it up and got killed a whole damn lot. Which reminds me, I need to lend out RvB. Good thing there was Dan to respawn me and sometimes die for me. What a good buddy.

Me: Run! Maybe you can rush them!
Dan: Okay!
*I throw a plasma grenade and it sticks on Dan. He runs up to an Elite and explodes.*
Me: Good job, Dan! Wasn't that fun?
Dan: I dead...
Me: Don't worry, you'll come back. And then we can do it again!

Meanwhile there was a gnip gnop tournament going on, which I steadfastly ignored, and also food, which I not so steadfastly ignored, but I played Halo too long and didn't get any lunch. Lunch which is made from breakfast cereal. And by "made from" I mean "the same as". I'm not sure if there was also milk. Yum yum.

Zip zip zoom zoom, fast forward. We've already left Preeti's house and Zach, me, and my sis wait in ambush for the rest of the party. They do not come. Zach figures they must have gone some other way, so I follow him. Turns out they didn't go the way he thought they did. Zach thinks we "ended up too far south" or some other explaination. Lemme translate. Zach got us lost. Well, to be fair, I don't know if he was lost. But I was lost.

We end up at Yaz's house behind the rest of the group, who walked. We ran half of the way.

Moral: Zach = dithering idiot

FFWD: Zen gets a hold of the hose, oh no! Spends much time shooting me in the eyes/shooting innocent passersby. Water balloons that don't pop on impact HURT LIKE HELL...and that wasn't a fluke. I'm sure every single one was designed like that. We had to pop them by hand over each other. How...how disgustingly manual. I showed off my mad floating powers and then had to have my hands and knees cleansed after my floating power ran out and I landed on the floor. MEANWHILE, Yao is at the library with his dad, where his dad will spend the next three hours, thus stranding Ya0. How sucky.

[begin "artful embellishment"]

A cop stops by dangerously close to Thompson's ubersexy modified hot rod car and tempers flare. A few civilians are injured in the crossfire between Thompson and the cop as they exchange gunshots, the cop with a black twelve-shot USP and Thompson with his narsty Twin Streams water gun. Thompson is finally shot in the head, but he gets up again because there was nothing important up there. Turns out the cop was only after Pichu's shoes, which are small and yellow, much like he is. There is a hint of romance in the air...Thompson and the officer make peace with each other and exchange phone numbers. Yaz is given diplomatic immunity by her camera. Which I hope turns out some good evidence. I mean pictures.

Meanwhile, we are trying to impose order on the chaotic warring factions of Ancient Yaz Backyard land in order to have orderly warring factions, but none of that works out. Whoever said that the teams should be Red vs Blue obviously never saw the multitude of black and white shirts. Pichu had a white shirt on, which would have been disturbing if he hadn't been a small yellow cartoon character on a show for 12-year olds.

[End "artful embellishment"]

Screw that. It was disturbing as hell.

We ran out into the fields and formed teams - one third of us were on my team, a third were on the opposite team, and another third just weren't interested in the fight. We marched toward each other...suddenly, one soldier on my side breaks out into a mad dash for the opposing lines, Power Rangers gun shining dangerously and his eyes gleaming heroically. Yes, that man was me. Dan and Thompson load their deadly Stream guns but miss as I go speeding by them. As I pass, I shoot Dan in the eye. Thompson sweats heavily, knowing that if I had had another weapon, he'd have been a goner. Either that or he was already soaked. Suddenly, Fillin is by my side, and we steal the tub of water and run off with it. Thompson gets a good shot off at Fillin's back and he cries out, faltering and spilling the tub of water. With a final gasp, Fill collapses to the floor, dead. I didn't even notice MW, who was supposedly on the other team. I don't think she even helped carry the tub. Good effort, MW.

-I taunt the weather
-The wind picks up
-They see Bill
-They bother Bill
-I pick up ooMToo's car keys and give them to him
-I pick up Zach's water guns and give them to him
-It begins raining like a crazy madman who drank too much beer
-That was nasty imagery
-At some point Sir and Kathy decide to go up to the porch in front of everyone and do a strip tease. Those attention whores.

We begin loafing around outside Yaz's house, which we steadfastly ignore as a house, which I believe because it was too close. If it was a mile further it would have been an acceptable house to walk to, but as it were it was just too easy. We sit in the rain runoff for a long time whilst I think about how susceptible I am to cold weather. At least the runoff is warm. Two people stop by in their cars to ask if we need help. Kind souls, ha. Yeah right. They just wanted to kidnap us, but I was prepared to eat their intestines in self defense. Then everybody except me and Dan decide to go frolick in the fields of water and roadkill and other unmentionable stuff..."the floor bubbled [underfoot]" -horrified frolicker. I don't really know why that would happen. Anyway, my prerequisites for frolicking is 50% BAC and being stoned out of my mind. Which isn't going to happen. Alternately, you can just leave me alone with some caffeine. Anyway, while they're out I ask Dan where Mecca is because I'm about to die of hypothermia and I might as well do it facing a holy city. He pointed to his right uncertainly. I think he was lying. I kneel down anyway. My life flashes before my eyes...

[Yay, embellishment!]

...if only I hadn't accepted this last job...but the Triad said to, and I must obey the Triad. I was willing to die for the Triad. And so I would...I drew a gun and pressed it to my temple. Above me, Dan laughs cruelly. He doesn't understand the gravity of the situation. With a final sigh, I pull the trigger.

Darkness meets me. I fall to the floor, a black shadow sprawled on a grey, tear-flooded parchment, twitching.

The rest of the group gathers mournfully around me, having returned from their frolicking...

[End embellishment]

Then Kathy says "not to have too much fun" and people laugh. I mean, what the hell? I'm dead and/or hypothermic. You should be mourning and weeping or at least picking my pockets or something. This insult to my honor induces me to get up slowly. I make my way to the porch and sit there in my wet clothes until my sister tells me to wring out my shirt. I go hide behind a tree and do so. The catcalls I hear are merely wistful, as I am practically invisible behind the tree.

Stuff happens, blah blah blah. I change, meet the cat, and then leave.

ZIP ZIP ZZOOOOOM ZZZZOOOOOOOOOOMMM FFWD

*later...*

FRIDAY
-My sister comes home from IA with her boyfriend
-People go out to the Royal Cantonese (which I haven't tried yet...Neal, you better be ready, because we'll show up some day.)
-I go to Chicago and eat good chinese food
-I go watch the Bourne Supremacy
-We sit 20 feet from the screen
-My sister gets sick
-I get dizzy and my eyes ache
-I go home and do stuff (forgot what exactly) and fall asleep

SATURDAY
-My sister + boyfriend + my elder bro go to Chicago for another day of Chinese food (woowoo)
-Stuff happens
-Time passes
-People die
-People are born
-I get my mom to drive me to Showplace 8, where I skip the ticket line and infiltrate my way past the ticket master in order to retrieve my ticket from Pichu. I then sneak back and cut the line, giving the ticket dude my ticket and continuing on...
-...to see the Bourne Supremacy once more! This time alone, because my bastard "friends" don't save me a seat.

Whilst in the movie theater, someone spills soda on my pants. They're nice about it though, so I am too. I think I scared everybody in my row by trying to get comfortable so I could fall asleep. I spent half of the movie with my eyes closed so that
a) I didn't have to watch
b) I wouldn't get sick
c) I could sleep
and finally
d) I could listen to the kick ass soundtrack, interspersed by seemingly random sentences and words

Anyhow, we get out and loiter in front of the theater just talking. You know, hanging out. "Shooting the shit." Although I don't know where that expression came from.

Then we leave and we're like, "Let's go to IHOP" and Phil dings Perry's car with a coin. Pichu and Dan spend like four dollars in change trying and failing to ding Thompson's car. Dan "hit the wheel" "on a bounce." Yeah, right. Anyway, we in Pichu's car are like, "Where in the Hell is IHOP? And Sir, who is by now in IHOP while Pichu drives into a "Service Trucks Only" parking lot, is trying to give us directions.

Sir: Go south on Milwaukee...
Pichu: Wait, where is Milwaukee?
Sir: It's at location latitude: 346.13134 longitude: 724.1253, which is north on the Hogwarts Express...
Dan: Landmarks, damn it! Or I'll unleash the claw shrimps on you!
Me: My IHOP senses are tingling.
Max: There's no IHOP in there!
Sir: We are sitting in the IHOP...
Max: There's NO IHOP in there!
Sir: We're waiting in the IHOP...
Max: ...no IHOP!
Me: But my IHOP senses...
Dan: Penny Arcade takes up thirty percent of my life.
Me: Hey, me too!

Somehow, somehow, we make it to IHOP alive. Hmm, what did I say on Perry's Xanga? Copy paste time!

...my IHOP senses started tingling, so I knew we were close. My dad has Dunkin Donut senses for his coffee addiction. It comes in the genes. And then Dan and I called Steve and Sir and told them that they should get some sleep. They looked tired. I hung up. Dan kept talking. I don't think he understood the concept of a spy's air of mystery.

While we were in IHOP, I stole lots of sugar (pictures of my crime later), two slutty cheerleaders hit on Steven and Max and listened in on our conversations, a waiter told me he loved me, and we didn't let Thompson pay. Dan ate Phil and Phil demanded a happy face pancake. So did Stephen. That wannabe. I don't even know where Pichu was at that time. We talked about stealing the fake plastic carafes. I had an opportunity to get slapped by employing my secret move, but I didn't feel like being physically harmed.

Then we went to Kathy's house...

And I'm all like, why are we going to Kathy's house? And since it's a habit now, I thought, "Who the @#$! is Kathy?" But then I remembered.

...which is soo freaking cool. They have an aquarium. And this aquarium, it totally has fish in it. And I was afeared of her parents because they're asian and I came there with no advance warning and I was intruding and stuff. So I tried to sit quietly. At some point I forgot about this and started jummping and stuff. Oh, back to the house. So there are all these little rooms and they're like hobbit holes. Because they're all on different steppes. It's quite cool. It impressed me to no end.

If I could design a house, it would be like that. But more circular.

We watched Family Guy, which is quite funny if I do say so myself.

Then I got called by mom so I had to leave. On the way out I saw a tree. I had to climb the tree because Perry left to give Max his sundry goods back. When Perry came back I was ten feet in the air. I needed help. Perry wouldn't help me. Perry also wouldn't get anyone to catch me.

I got down later.

When I got home, my elder sis was leaving to go to IHOP. I told her friend to order a happy face pancake and make a fuss if they wouldn't give it to him because he wasn't twelve. I hope they got that same waiter.

And that's how it happened.