I've figured it out, a bit
I am sick.
As in demented.
I have some sort of complex where I am always looking to be in love. In love with someone with whom it will not work. Now granted, being in love is a lot of fun, but this constant unending search is not. It's not cool. Why can't I just live, damnit? Whatever. I'll work on it.
I love coincidence. But whenever things seem too "right" I'm always put off. Why? I both love and hate destiny, chance, and fate, it seems.
Eh. I haven't figured anything out.
posted by Sunwolf at 2:29 PM
5 Comments:
I feel the same way.
Though, I can't exactly say that for sure, because I know you will insist that what you feel is not the same, as you have before. But I have been thinking about it, and I just wouldn't be surprised. I'm weird too.
... well. How's that for trippy.
*shrug*
Reluctance
OUT through the fields and the woods
And over the walls I have wended;
I have climbed the hills of view
And looked at the world, and descended;
I have come by the highway home,
And lo, it is ended.
The leaves are all dead on the ground,
Save those that the oak is keeping
To ravel them one by one
And let them go scraping and creeping
Out over the crusted snow,
When others are sleeping.
And the dead leaves lie huddled and still,
No longer blown hither and thither;
The last lone aster is gone;
The flowers of the witch-hazel wither;
The heart is still aching to seek,
But the feet question ‘Whither?’
Ah, when to the heart of man
Was it ever less than a treason
To go with the drift of things,
To yield with a grace to reason,
And bow and accept the end
Of a love or a season?
-Robert Frost
Honestly Kung, I don't think what you felt was love. There's a big difference between liking someone in high school and real love and it doesn't seem to me that you realize it.
Give me a call sometime if you wanna talk it out.
~Ser
Well, that's the thing - I'm constantly looking for the real thing, right? But what I end up turning into (on my side) is puppy love, i.e. the High School Crush. I know there's a difference. But it's not like I've experienced the real thing. I meant subconsciously there's something wrong with me. But I don't want you to get the wrong impression about who I'm talking about, so:
Let me tell you a tale
of a boy in the burbs
and the girl in the North
who wanders through his mind
Now this story is old
but it's not quite stale
you see, they met long ago
before they could walk
As the years progressed
he never quite knew
what, around her, to do
he stayed always a guest
In the end he was happy
to do nothing, at best
and nothing was best,
or at least, so he guessed
I feel you need a little
background on him
so, bluntly, he's a nerd
and antisocial at times
but he finally got it
A hundred miles away,
and on another day,
"Girls are kinda cool!"
Then comes heartache
but not really heartbreak
as he struggles to find
what everyone wants
He comes away perplexed,
girl far from his mind
'til the thought that came next:
"My God, she's a girl too!"
And then dilemma strikes
because he really don't know,
in the context of romance,
what the hell that means now
so some sick engine drives him
to see this one girl
just to find what he feels
and what he's hoping it's not
Because romance is just dumb
when they grew up together
it's better this way,
how she's just a chum
but until he finds out
he's consigned to sitting around
and thinking about
how his dumbness astounds
and far up North,
that girl doesn't know
how tired she is
from walking through his mind
According to Jane Austen some people are just like that: they need to be in love. I know how much it sucks...a wonderful feeling that's always trying to escape and leave you with depressed emptiness. And so you hold on desperately where reason is yelling: let go, you idiot! Feh...what does reason know?
-Dori
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