8.31.2006

Epilogue

Well.

They're gone.

I never did manage to visit, did I? There was never enough money, or enough gas, or enough time. You know, all the usual excuses. I...well, I always meant to.

Lame, I know. You don't have to say anything.

But really, I didn't have a job. Still don't. My car is breaking down, leaking oil, starting to leak gas. Gas, for Christ's sake! With gas prices like they are...

I know, I know, I could have gotten a job at any old fast food place. It just didn't seem right. I know I was meant for more than that, I just can't find my way. I can't find my wings. We talked about this before, remember? You're the one who told me I could fly. And, when I had it all, then I'd drive out there in my Porsche. Maybe I'd just fly out there, first class.

You know, I never told you this before, but you were the older brother I never had. Always going somewhere, a natural direction in life. Someone I could always count on to follow if I needed a guide. Someone I could always talk to when shit hit the fan and I had to swallow my pride.

Like now.

But you're back now. I can visit you every day. Not ten minutes' walk from my apartment. I could come on a whim. I don't need my car, or money. I don't need wings.

You're back. And I wish to God you weren't. Because every time I see your name on that rock, I just...I just wanna scream. I want to scream until it rips my throat.

Heh.

It's funny how I can hear your voice. But no, it's not okay. I'm never going to find my wings like this. I'll just find regret again and again.

No, I think this time I'll earn my feathers. It's time your little brother grew up.